


Great Eggspectations

by LelithSugar



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Chocolate, Comedy, Easter Eggs, Eating, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, M/M, silliness, very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 12:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18282485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelithSugar/pseuds/LelithSugar
Summary: A little early for Easter,  but have a bit of smutty silliness.Remember the"How do you eat yours?"Creme Egg adverts of the early nineties?Harry and Merlin do.Eggsy doesn't, but somehow that doesn't help much.





	Great Eggspectations

**Author's Note:**

> I was NOT going to use this title but then it popped up on a Hotel Chocolat advert, so I did. 
> 
> Emphysematous and I got into a conversation about what various egg things used in tags would indicate. Scrambled Eggs = drunk Eggsy, … eggs over easy being slutty/desperate Eggsy, etc etc And then I remembered creme eggs existed and politely showed myself out of the conversation before I could lower the tone. So I came to do it here instead. 
> 
> Not my usual style at all, but service will be resumed shortly.

Eggsy's appearance with a handful of Creme Eggs from his jacket pocket is fortuitous, because Merlin and Harry have most certainly reached the point of both the conversation and the coffee at which something sweet and a change of subject are most welcome.

“To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“They're on three for a quid in Tesco. Be rude not to share.”

They both accept, with a nod of thanks. There's a moment of silence in which they both squint at the details on the wrapping: Harry trying to get into his, Merlin apparently surprised by one of the ingredients if his eyebrows are anything to go by. Eventually, and simultaneously, they both arrive at having peeled away enough to expose chocolate but keep their fingers clean and there, by some unspoken agreement, they wait.

“How doyou eat yours?” Merlin puts an odd stress in his voice, a reference Eggsy doesn’t recognise.

“Eh?” Eggsy looks up with a slightly affronted expression of confusion from where he's picking at the wrapping with one blunt fingernail. The two compacted balls of foil tucked into his palm suggest it may not be his first.

“Oh bloody hell, don't tell me you're too young to remember the adverts… you are, aren't you. Christ. How do you cope with this, Harry? it's depressing.”

“I get to look at him naked, that's quite compensation enough.” Something about unexpected sweets has obviously totally thrown any notion of this being a working break, which is alright with Eggsy, who might have bought the treats with the vague hope of getting to knock off early. It's Friday, after all. 

“Young as the man you feel, aintcha?”  Eggsy bumps his hip against Merlin’s with a wink on the way past to take his place by Harry's side, leaning on the desk opposite.

“Stop.” Merlin regards his egg through the lower half of his glasses, concentrating. "It's been a while, but if they've been in the fridge, I like to try to scrape the chocolate off and see if I can leave the middle intact." 

Harry is classically shameless.

"I always tended to nibble the end off and then suck the filling out.“  

“Excuse me? Do you two want a minute? I can… “ Eggsy points to the door, eyebrows raised incredulously. He's not sure exactly what he's stumbled into, here, and he's bluffing anyway because if he thought there was or ever had been something going on with Harry and Merlin he'd either hit the roof or want to watch. Jury's out.

Harry takes pity, at least.

"The adverts, darling. They were a bit… risqué.  _How do you eat yours?_  It was quite the topic of debate at the time." Well, it beats Brexit, doesn't it. "I'm sure there was one where they span a wheel which was supposed to dictate how you ate it... "

Eggsy nods, getting the gist. 

“Rox Just shoves them in her gob whole. Seriously. I've just seen her do it.” ... which doesn't even bear thinking about, as far as Merlin or Harry are concerned (though for two entirely different reasons).

“Put us out of our misery, then. How _do_ you eat yours Eggsy?”

“Like a normal person?”

Merlin gestures for him to go ahead. “This is an important academic study.”

Brow furrowed, looking at the two men like he suspects them of something but isn't sure what, Eggsy bites into the chocolate egg and inevitably the white goo from the middle spills out over his fingers. He finishes the base in two more bites, apparently heedless of the mess. Then, just as Harry and Merlin are both wondering how the hell that passes for a reasonable way to eat the damned things he finishes off by swiping up what's dropping down his chin on one already sticky finger and then licking the syrup off his hands, sucking one digit clean at a time. He's almost done by the time it occurs to him to look up and see both other men staring.

“What?”

Harry speaks, because Merlin has got absolutely  _nothing._

“Nothing, nothing, that's a perfectly valid way to eat something and not in the slightest bit obscene. Incidentally have I told you I love you this morning? Are you free for lunch?“

"Fuck lunch, I wanna see this. Come on."  Eggsy waves a hand at Harry, at the egg he's been holding out in a pose intended to look casual because he's obviously been waiting for someone to ask. 

“In fact, I tend to find there's a perfect weakpoint at which if you take the top off, the filling is undisturbed…”  he bites around it and levers the top  point of the egg off and true enough, the filling sits in the bottom. “...And then you can just lick the creme out in one go.”

Merlin sounds aghast, amazed and irritated at once. 

“You can't.”

“Want to bet?”

Merlin folds his arms in challenge; in sheer defiance.

Just for that, Harry maintains absolute, fearless eye contact whilst he works his tongue around the inside of the chocolate shell, holding a finger up for patience. There's just the tension of disbelief and the occasional ridiculously lewd slurp until Harry holds the empty, clean egg out in victory, shows the flash of the liquid centre of the thing cupped on the surface of his tongue before he flicks it back into his mouth and swallows; just the briefest little ‘ _mmm_ ’ of pleasure before he creases into laughter, swiping stickiness from the corner of his mouth on the back of his hand.

“That's … unnecessarily vivid.” Merlin grimaces and goes for his wallet, but Harry stops him with a hand. (Eggsy swallows loudly, nobody notices).

“I wouldn't take your money. I've had plenty of practice.” (Eggsy shifts and crosses his legs at the ankle).

“ _Harry.”_   Merlin laughs without smiling, with the hint of an eye roll in the resigned tone.  "I'm surprised you’re not a _swallowing in one go_ man, really." (Eggsy is  _legit_ about to _parkour out of a window_ ).

"Really, Merlin, that's rude. If anything I prefer to take my time. You've got to savour your egg.” It's only the fact he's brandishing the immaculately smoothed out tinfoil wrapper that makes the remark in any way passable. “Romance the egg.” It's going, isn't it. “Perhaps ask the egg what it's in the mood for-”

“Harry Hart, get the fuck out of my office you old pervert. Go on, fuck off with you.”

And Harry goes, in a leggy sprint, just about evading the chocolate egg Merlin flings at him, which somehow hits the wall and remains intact enough to bobble after him down the hallway.

Eggsy stands looking with consternation into a ribbon-handled _Hotel Chocolat_ bag from which he produces a glamorously wrapped Easter egg and tilt it for Merlin to read the package. 

“I think… I'm going to wait and give this to 'im at home.”

Merlin looks down, to where the legend on the box of the elaborate plain- and white-chocolate concoction declares it a “luxuriously double dipped” egg, and sighs. 

“I think that would be wise.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Tumblr have allowed me back so please do come hang out, I'm @randomactsofviolence and if you Twitter I'm @agentsnakebite


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